Traveller's Haven

2006-06-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

I dont feel like blogging any more after I went to army. Everytime come out with a running nose, cough and a strong desire to lay on the bed forever. So THAT'S IT, I will not go back to tekong anymore because POP lor!!!! Yeah!!!! All the best to all army friends, no matter when you are posted to.

How am I now?
Point 1- Currently waiting for posting results and wanting to enter scouts trooper of police unit
Point 2- Am playing Final Fantasy tatics advance in Gameboy to keep myself occupied in army
Point 3- Er...still mentally and physically well and still living

2006-02-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

I just watched the movie "Fearless" about a great chinese man in history named Huo Yuan Jie (霍元甲) today. It got a very good storyline and its graphics are good like most western movies. But the story got altered a little from what my friend told me. Very nice! I respect this man and his spirit of wushu very much, learning wushu to maintain harmony. His 自强不息 inspires me, which I think means strike to be a better self. Even Jay Chow wrote a song about him. His 迷宗艺 is cool~, but I think I will like Tai Ci better. I am now a fan of him. But I dont think I will be learning his wushu. My friend say he will. He is a fan of wushu haha^^.

Title? I dunno what title lei... Here it goes-

2006-02-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

A peom

Have you ever seen children playing
And forgot how it feels
Have you ever seen loving couples
And tries hard to
remember what it is like

Your house become strangly different
The people are less understanding
They live in their dreams
Which slowly forgets about you
Forgetting is that easy

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
Is your favourite song
Play maplestory
Worrying and madness
That is the power of loneliness

Dont mind it, wave it away
It is only a layer of fog
You are not the only one
I am sure there is a place
You call home

-----------------------------------------
By Me

2006-02-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

Nuuuuu~
I lost 6 tennis balls to the carpark's dust filter layer. Whenever I hit the ball too hard, there is a chance for the ball to land on the layer near the celling. I tried using a ladder to retrieve the balls, but it is too short. Grrr... I got to find another area to practise because I have only one ball left :-(
My bloody library card cannot be used or reactiviated to borrow books for some reason I have forgotten... How am I going to read some books? Am I destintied to read comics only now? lol. I am trying to draw a comic now but find my drawing skills not matured. Maybe I have forgotten how to. And only way to remember is to start drawing again. Maybe when I have better language skills I will write out the story of my comic on this blog.
It seems a little silly to keep writing when noone reads my once inactive blog anymore. But I feels like writing a dairy and I also feels it is a good way to improve my english. Everyone seems to have stop writing in their blog since a lvls is over except Edith. Her entries have many cantonese "words" which I dont understand or already forgotten. However it is quite interesting to read. These "words" are usually more expressive than chinese. That's why Hong Kong's shows are more enjoyable >.0
zee-----zeee-----O I got a message(handphone). Danny's message say abt a young girl who need O negative blood at a hospital and wants me to pass the message to other people. I hate chain messages. But I passes on the msg nevertheless, only to the people who I thought will continue passing on the messages lol. Half of me hopes the message is false, half of me hopes it is true... My trust and passionate levels are being pressed down by rumors which cannot be ignored and may make use of your feelings to do its bidding. And I wish the sent messages are worth the money paid in the phone bills.
Omg , I have written so much. Gtg Gtg good night~

2006-02-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

Oh Yeah! I am quite pleased to find a wall in my condon's carpark where I can prastice tennis .There is a chinese proverb, " Far to the skies, Near in front of your eyes." hahaha.
It is free from rain, noises and has ample space for me to run about. The ball I am hitting would not fly off as it is also surrounded by more walls. It is perfectly safe for me because it is at one corner where cars either do not park there or will drive slowly.
However, it is a little warm for there is no wind. I was perspiring like hell when i left. But it will not be able to make me dehydrate yet. I guess I need to bring a water bottle down next time.
People who walk by will also look curiously at me. They must be thinking that I am very pro hahaha or very weird hahaha. I can get used to that. But I am always afraid that the ball will hit other cars :S
I am going to be a very pro tennis player in no time! Yeah!

Hey, my parent told me today is Hau Ren's (Chinese) Ren Nian (People's Year). It is the birthday of everyone in the world. Cool... Happy People's Year to everyone!

2006-02-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

Fighting spirit----By Me!

Everyday is sunday
Let's lay the whole day
Sleep your life away

Are you afraid that
You may screw up that
Or you may make someone sad

Open your eyes, Mr StreetFighter!
Learn your abilities!
Master your special moves!

You are invinicble!
It is not time to sleep yet...
Today is your day

2006-01-29T01:08:00.000+08:00

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It have been a long while before i write anything here. I dont miss you at all , blogger! No school rocks!! Nothing happening rocks!! Until now i feel so bored i wish something could happen. A person should not be doing nothing all his life. Must do something!!! I am so freaking free lor, no school, no job. My current mission is to retake Alvls. Studies are going very slacking. I dare to say it only in blogger :P Continue on like this will die one la... o...i am leaturing myself. I still has hope hehe.

I have been spending my 2 months holidays in maplestory, repeatingly killing cute little jr lioners , trying to level up to lvl 80 so tt i can use lightning spear...ooo this game is so lame. Everyday log in, kill kittens, get hurt by kittens, recover, kill kittens, get killed etc, etc... ooo someone come and kill me.

Tennis is a fun sport and i bet i can learn a lot of things from it but the biggest disadvantage for me is that you cannot train alone and need a friend to play with. There is no walls for me to practise tennis, and i dun dare to go school's. I think i have only played 4 times with my friends.

And i cannot believe i neglected roller blade!! My blades bought for 200+ and i put it aside for 2 mths to play LAME maplestory!! AAA someone come and kill me...

I gotta play less maplestory. There got to be walls in singapore able to practise tennis without obstructing people and i got to have more blading adventures with my dear blades.

All my dear frens went to army already. Army pls take me! I want to be fit and mature so tt i dun have to play maplestory but go for sports! I want Army! Maybe because I am too bored now or maybe because I wan to meet my friends in there. Anway, I am retaking my nafa test next week so tt i can see if i can enter army later or not. My enlistment date is on 9th march. Although i say now i am training for it, i always cannot wake up in the morning to go running. Maybe it is an excuse to sleep more...maybe....

Happy new year! A new year! New hopes! New lifes!

2005-12-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

Tennis is very fun. Anyone want to play with a tennis noob, call me. Daniel, u play tennis horribly lei!! Just like me. Damn, i whacked 2 balls out of the school today and cannot find them back. 1st ball flew out of the tennis court and to the road outstide. Second ball, i served too hard, it went through the wire fence and another school wire fence behind the bushs, dunno whether it went out of school of not. Today then i realise i must use different angles to hit the ball, so i can play alittle better le... Alright go tennis!

2005-11-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

After monday i am a free. Totally free. U know what tt means? I can do anything i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got no idea what i want to do... I think i level up my maple character to level 40 first. Then go and learn to play tennis. YEAHHHHHHHH holiday wan shuei, wan shuei, wan wan wan shuei.
Wah sian, got so many thigns i want to do but i cannot...as people said, to do one thing u wanna do, u must do ten things u hate to do.

2005-11-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

YOU ARE A BIG DISTRACTION IN MY LIFE! ARGH!

2005-11-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

I just want to play tennis. Dont know when then can play...

A dream (page 1)

2005-11-15T00:32:00.000+08:00

I have a dream to become an artist when I am young. haha. I have a few achievements, like 3rd place in children art compeition. My grandma praise my drawing. And I begin to like drawing very much. I know art is not as simple as that, but to me, it is as simple as drawing well only. So i want to become an artist who only draws haha.Secondary school I didnt take art becoz I dont have the courage to take it alone.
Till JC, I have little frens in school. I feel very sian, so i take art, thinking I can be like those ppl in tv who make-dreams-come-true.Truthfully, process of learning is very easy( Not trying to say I m genius or what la). Except tt i didnt do many things tt teacher try to teach me. Mostly becoz I dont understand it. This is when I realise art issnt tt simple. My teacher is not bad. He help me a lot of things and I am grateful of tt.
He said I m a potential "A" student. I didnt believe tt art or my potential can be graded by exams. I know my potential, but I am not planning to use it to get a cert. It is to fufil my dream to sell paintings to ppl who can appreciate them. Furthermore, I dont feel tt I deserve a "A". Perhaps many ppl say I can draw well, I feel tt it is only the average standard. I feel I can do better than tt.

page2

2005-11-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

I think all the art students take pride in their work a lot. Despite tt, a lot of ppl still look down on art. >:(
Art is a pain to my original life. It takes up a lot of time and effort. Even so I didnt put a lot of effort in it ha. I am a slacker man. I regretted it. Since I cannot pay attention to other subs, I might as go all out for art. There are a lot things bothering me in JC.
As you may have know, my other subs sucks. I hate leatures, I hate tutorials. They may be fun sometimes, but they are... not very useful to me. Maybe becoz of the pace I think. I NEVER study notes and hardly do any tutorials.( Maybe too used to textbooks haha, now still using a study guide book.) I only do ten years series. Aiya, these things dont say first la.
When I come to think about it, my desires are my dreams. Dreams are illusions. And illusions are not not not true. You thought you are holding onto it, you are actually catching nothing. Therefore, I decide never to purpuse dreams. Becoz, it must not be a dream, it (for example, art) must be reality. It has to smell as real as father's sweat and feel as real as mother's touch. But to others, it is a dream. You must must must have the determination and confidence to make it come true.
Art is still a dream to me. I am glad to make it a sweet dream. But it is time to wake up from it. I am not going to give it up. But just putting it back to the list of dreams and waiting for one to teach me how to never give up.

2005-11-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

WOOHOOO WOOOHOOO I think i can do well in my maths paper today!! The feeling of massive killing of problems back to the time I am having olvls maths is back!! WOOOHOOOO the only question i dunno is questn 6 and 11, math induction and something else la...but i can do parrts of it. Everything else I know !!!! YEAHEYAEHAYEAHEYAEHAAEHFODASFOPJDAPF SONGGGGGGGG BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2005-11-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

tml A lvl liao. I feel like going in a battlefield without any weapons. I did about half of maths and physic 10 years series already and none of the GP book. I cannot fufil my promise to myself of doing all of them. Feel very bad about. No choice la. I tried my best. Hopefully, Lady of Luck is kind to me and my peversence, whether it is true or fake. I just want to shout out, COME ON A LVLSSS!!!

---------------------------------------------------------
Big Time

Hey you see the strength
You know the height
And seek to supress it

All the sweat and blood
You have give out
Just to get close to
What you want

The moment of truth
Is just tomorrow
Where you step into the battlefield
Naked and only having
Your burning souls

Big time now
Walala just want
To shout out
Big time now

Cant run off now
Coz it is big time now
Whoever you are
Show me your best shot

And I will continue crapping
Coz it is not over
Will be things to repair...places to go...more big times.

:P-------------------------------------------------------

2005-10-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

Patience, Perseverance

What are I looking at
There are no babes here
What are I waiting for
There are no miracle here

I misunderstood patience
I dont have to endure this shit
Go take a nice walk around
And then clearly think about it

Should have known long ago
Done it from the beginning
Now I am walking in circles
To find life so sickening

I misunderstood perseverance
I should have walk a straight line
Even if I dont know where to go
At least I'm not here wasting my life

XuWoWei@HuiYokWei

-------------------------------------------------------

2005-10-22T23:43:00.000+08:00

Another day wasted in playing computer games and watching tv. Is it wrong to relax myself for one day during this period of time? I dunno... although I am not very tired. But I feel wrong to waste one day, I could have done a lot of revision stuff.
How can I judge whether this A lvl stuff is important to me or not. But everyone is dying to pass it. Aya , dun think so much liao, have to put in my 100 percent of my mind on Alvl.

2005-10-22T10:38:00.001+08:00

My right hand is shedding skin becoz I am using my pen too often. The tip of all my fingers' skins are dropping. AAA I am transforming into a snake. I thought it isnt normal. But my mum said even humans always need to shed old skin for young skin. I found another common characteristic btw humans and other organic livings beings. Even my spider also shed skin before. After a lvl I will have new young and smooth skin heh.

-------------------------------------------------
A Clear Eye

X was borne with
A clear eye
And to see the
Truth
Of this world

But too often there are
Lies
The dream demon
Begin to play tricks on X

Addicted to the
Dreams
X throws away the clear eye
And wanders off into the
Darkness

The clear eye says
I am meant to
Protect you
Not harm you

X say the truth
Hurts him too much
Finally he destroy the eye
And become blind

Nothing to do
Nothing to see
Nothing to feel except
Loneliness

XuWoWei@HuiYokWei

2005-10-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

no life!!! no life at all!!!!! study study study study... until want to vomit liao. Just wants to sleep. I wish everyone can just leave me alone for 1 month. I dun wan tution , dun wan to study together, just want to study on my own. arghhh. They wont agree beocz they have underestimated me.
Worst thing to face when suffering from study-until-vomit illness is to has to pretend in front of ppl that you are alright. It is alright to tell my parents or friends, " I am dying!!" Some may even say , " me too. " haha. But some ppl I dont wanna share my problems with are... just some ppl la. And they just have to appear in front of me all the time...
I met my neighbour in the lift just now. She is a pretty girl, same age as me. And I am in no mood of flirting and I dunno how to also. So I just give her a smile, and she hardly smile back. I think my smile must be so fake tt she felt disgusted. I feel so bad to be in a bad mood which affect other ppl's mood.
I need to be free for one month!! Just one bloody month!!! Or maybe I should just stop daydreaming and accept all this shit and continueing mugging for a lvls...

2005-10-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

I bought my spider and its home back my home, from school yesterday. My mum doesnt like it, but I dont let her throw it away. She thinks it is dirty, so I put it in a cleaner, prettier plastic box. I can observe it even more clearly now. But it and its buddy isnt getting used to it. It takes about one hour b4 it starts hunting bugs i throw in. Its buddy is still stunned, not moving, stationary. I write these just to write this peom. haha. See how sian I am...

--------------------------------------------------------

Xiao Bao, My Spider

Small black dot
Hiding under somewhere
Eaten three of your kind today
What a greedy one

Missing one leg
See you battle the old one
But you got away, Man it is close
What a lucky one

Always on guard
One moment of distraction
Can take away your little life
You fight to protect

Living under me
I seems to grow to like you
Even though I know you will love to
Put your fangs on me
Hahaha

------------------------------------------------------------

My peom is still a little childish eh? I like this person (http://nightmusingsshine.blogspot.com/) 's peoms. Hope can write like her...

I I I I I I I I

2005-10-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

I have devised a plan to pass my exam. I throw away every papers in my room except for my notes. They dont mean anything to me anyway. I just did them for the sake of doing them, and I dont even do their corrections. And the exam papers are all my failure papers. I dont wanna to look at them again. So they are all gone now. Now there will be only papers which contain my soul and of coz my fav black pen's ink. Hopefully, it is not late.

My plan is called the Three-Book-Plan(TBP)-2005. That's becoz I am going to put all my faith in these 3 books, GP with distinction Bk2 and 2 ten-years-series Cmaths and Physics. The plan is finish thse 3 books b4 A lvls. That's means 1 Gp exercise and 1 maths and 1 physics topic from each book per day. It takes an average of 2 hours for each excercise for each topic and 6 hours of study perday. I figure tt I also need to read notes during the doing exercises. So maybe it will take 8 hours of work perday. Yes, I am going to transform into an exam-machine for 6 more weeks. muhahahaha. Hope I can do tt. God, pls let me have the energy to do it. Plssss.

I just finished a maths topic today, which is 28 questions. Even though I feel that I can still do more, I went to watch tv instead. lol. I feel I will do better tml. I hope I can blog often...

2005-10-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

Mum: "You should really learn to take in people's opinions." *high pitch voice in cantonese*

Man, it is damn true. I must be really stubborn. My mum and grandma used to call me " niu zai wei " . Means "YokWei the Little Cow". Maybe tt's why I didnt study so hard in JC like everyone else. I have to say that I am sorry for people who have given me many opinions and got ignored by me * bow bow bow*. Maybe tt's why I have been antisocial for so long. I have to try to listen to other people's opinions.

A lvls coming liao and noone blogs now except me :( sian la nothing to read. Blog le people. Are you people nervous? I think I am. Mhh...i think ...

And hor, yesterday watch tv, a tawain male actor,Qing Yang, said something really meaningful in a variety show. " If you committed a mistake and have the courage to admit it, correct it, noone will have bad opinions about you. Except Assholes." He doesnt look like a clever person though, mm canot judge a book by its cover haha. A it is not the pt, but he really have a good point. We cannot feel guilty and sad for our mistakes forever.

---------------------------------------------

Call of the Darkness

I stare at the clock
I am alone and thinking
And I hear it calling again

It grabs me like a python
Squeezing memory out of me
Forgetting I am doing

It is a relief for a while
Thoughts and emotions
But they are all not mine

Call of the darkness
Please go away
Go away

XuWoWei@HuiYokWei

---------------------------------------

2005-10-09T00:06:00.000+08:00

I am a liar. Work hard for A lvls? I cant do it!! I just cant take in all those things in 30 days!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why am I forcing myself so much...I can just run away...or jump down and die. But i dont wanna be such a corward la. Nothing is easy. Hard work. Tough life. Have to ta han all sorts of crap, school, tution for one more month... It is really no pt having tution now. Noone can help me la. I can only help myself. Because noone can accompany me to start from the beginning, noone is so stupid to believe that I can learn everything in 30 days. Even my tution teacher call me not to go A lvls. But I am stubborn. I dont care how much I score. I only want to gain back some confidence and less shame, that I can at least pass it.

I just have to try harder... But health more impt... so must take care of my body la. Cannot push too hard. I finally managed not to play games when I am using my computer. Wahahaha. Distraction rate has gone down by 40 %. But I go and play only one game of guilty gear in the arcade everyday when I go to buy dinner. Hehehehe. Distraction out of house is a nevermind for me.

I try so hard
Just to get back
What has been lost
But everything
Is unrepairable

I feel tired
I cant do what
My mind expects
I decide not
To think again

This cannot be
What I want
But I am not
Giving up yet
It is not over

2005-10-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

Ms Ong ( maths teacher, OBS) praise my second piece of coursework! Wahahaha. Even though she scolded me for doing badly for maths.
She said, "It look very real."
Actually I quite like my teachers. Most are serious teachers. I like such teachers, you can surely learn something from them and their lessons are not as boring as some... Too bad, I am not a good student.
-------------------------------------

Guilt

When I stop praying
For that complicated matter
And my heart seems dead

I can really do nothing
So I keep refusing
Everything you give me

With very little hope
I open up my eyes
You must have hated me

You catch me looking
All you do is smile back
You still treat me so nice

Confused and yet happy
It take me a long time
Before I can accept it

I dont mind failing
I dont mind leaving
But I dont wanna break your heart

-by XuWoWei@HuiYokWei
-----------------------------------------

Anyway, my prelims is over. And my coursework is over. That means I can put my heart on my A lvls now!! I am going to perform a miracle and pass my A lvls!!
Just want to show off again, 2 years ago, I got 11 for olvl L1R5 but 22 for prelims. Wahaha
This year, I fail maths, physic and GP with drowning colours for prelims and am going to work hard to get good grades for A lvls. Wahahaha

Coursework COMPLETED!!!!

2005-09-28T10:27:00.000+08:00

I finally finish my coursework!!!!!

My first piece aand me! a... a little dark...

My second piece and me again!!! I like this piece the most.
Thank you Daniel for helping me take the photos.

My last exam piece. Not bad eh?

Artrm frens also has some very good works. Next time then take photos of them...

2005-09-22T18:45:00.000+08:00

Exams finally come. Tml first and last day of exam. Got art paper. 8-11am. And i am still trying to finish my pre-sketches now as usual. I have to try to kick this last minute work habit... And finally after many tests, I see some use in pre-sketches. I think they are supposed to get me fully prepared for the final piece. So that I dont have to think so much when I do the actual piece. Much like the ususal subjects, study and practice, then exam can do without pulling off our hair. HA! No wonder I always cannot finish my final piece on time. And I always thought that 3 hours for one painting is too little time for students like us. I need a solid presketch for my final piece la. Presketches are really necessary, but I think that applies only to exams. So no choice, presketches must do la. In actual, just giving some thinking to what you are doing, you can make a painting. You will need to do some studies too...

Cannot come blogging so often nowadays. No energy to do so I think. Either I have done too much things, or I am doing nothing, you know, wasting my life lying around, doing stupid things. I am glad that art has exam. Becoz of that, I can use the computer haha. I played gunbound the whole day yesterday wahahaha. Abuse of computer man. And I am seriously doing my presketches today. Jiayou!

Just have to work for another 50 more days. then HEHEHE. then HAHAHA. then MUAHAHAHA. Dont worry, I am ok. I will be so free, so happy!!

MMMHHHHHH...... peom time peom time.

Cant Turn Back by XuWoWei@HuiYokWei

I make up the mess
It makes me so sad
I can never imagine
It can look so bad

I have to fight on
It has me beaten
I can still hang on
I can't turn back now

----------------------

Now, I am trying to improve my peom writing. I have written some lousy peoms. But practice makes perfect right? Someone please try to comment on this peom?

2005-09-17T11:06:00.000+08:00

3 facts about me

1) I am a guy.
2) I am not a girl.
3) I am not gay.

just kidding =) ok not funny

1) I am a failure in school. Cannot concentrate on my studies. All I care about is Art. Is that stupid or what. No social life in here, except in artroom.

2) Optismtic. Always think that things will work out somehow. They really does. But if it doesnt, there is nothing I can do about it anyway. haha

3) Tortures myself without realising it. Says things like ," Must do this or else go die." Maybe it comes from my family... Always force me to do this , do that.

ppl got tagged by me has to write 3 facts about themselves in their blog.

1) Danny
2) Sam
3) Zhenyu
4) Elaine
5) Edith

ok...everyone in my friend's link.

2005-09-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

I am sure to fail everything for prelims but i dont feel bad about it because it is not A lvls . hahahaha. Only 2 months to study!! must pia!! must faster finish coursework and pia!! Chiong ah!!

2005-09-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

I got back my fixed rollerblade today. I waited for so long b4 I went there... I almost forgot about it , didnt even go there in the holidays. Going there during prelims... lol, my mum will kill me if she knows.

Woowoo... let's make a song.

Memories- by the ingenius XuWoWei@HuiYokWei

Close my eyes
All the people I met
And the things I done
Rest my wings in the memories

Who will I be
If I try forgeting
What I am thinking
Am I blind or is anything missing

What have I lost
As I stay in stealth
Begin changing myself
Can I still get back what I missed

All pain and screaming
But yet still breathing
There is a reason why
Memories are not meant to be forgotten

-----------------------------------------

Look at my name!! It is underlined blue as if it is a link. Ahahaha.
Good night . Good night.

2005-09-14T16:22:00.000+08:00

opacity - ..The quality or state of being opaque. ..Something opaque.

opaque - ..Impenetrable by light; neither transparent nor translucent.

2005-09-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

I am feeling angry today. I wake up and feel like shit. I am having some swelling on my face becoz of the two empty spaces my tooth has been taken out. Then I have this weird shaking legs when I was using the computer in artroom this morning. Perhaps sit too much. And my back kind of aches sometimes. My body feel sooo weak. Which makes my mind unstable too. And have to go school to take in more shit. But I dun care, I have to complete my coursework.

Is it my imagination? Or issit that people are forcing me to do everything, which leaves me so like I have been pushed around. Argh. Fuck off la. Dun care, I have to do what I have to do. And I am not doing any more.

Teach you the phrase of self-comforting ( no dirty thoughts haha) .

Formula : "It is fine to... while/as long as..."

Application example : "It is fine to you to stare at me while I am working on my things."
"It is fine to make this mistake as long as I can make up for it."

The words "It is fine" takes out a lot of stress, and being able to know what you want really helps. But if it is really not fine, then dont think it is. It will give you even more stress. Scream. Like this : TTTTTTTAAAA MAAAAAAAA DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...ok, I just want to scold something :)

And to the people I miss,
I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

2005-09-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY I AM NOT HAPPY

2005-09-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

Well, this a lvl stuff is really no big deal. Sorry for the ppl who study so hard for it , if I say so. Prelims, A lvls, University are stepping stones to getting my own better life and I have to learn to accept it. It is ok to learn some dumbass shit while I am still doing my art. It is ok to go through JC even though i dont wanna go university.

I dun wanna sit through so many leatures, dun wanna learn those engineer stuff in Uni. But it is fine if I can still go art school after university, provided that I can really go in uni. I wanna go some art school. I really like art. Dreams nvr fail to drive me on. This stupid things are essence of my life. And that's the reason why I am still living I guess. I used to think I want to be somebody on the TV or book, but now I just want to be myself.

I dunno what I can do in there. But I have to try, and that's what I am good at. Trust me, I will try to get in there that no matter how much time it will take. Art is not entirely my life though. And I want to learn more things about having a good life. Maybe changing the environment like immigrating... well I have to leave the thinking for the future.

2005-09-09T10:14:00.000+08:00

mmmhhhh...not that I want to write this...but I notice many ppl has begin to worry about prelims and a lvls. As for me, I dont really care about prelims. They are next week and I havent touch any notes yet. Friends keep saying that how you do in prelims will be somewhat same to your A lvls. I say it is bullshit. Prelims is prelims. A lvls is A lvls. You can get straights for a lvls even if u fail everything for prelims. And that is proven two years ago when I got 22 for my prelims L1R5 and 11 for my o lvls...ok I admit, I just want to hao lian :P

A lvls is the real target. The final goal. The only one which gives you a point if you scores. WAKE UP PPL! We are studying for a lvl , not prelims and a lvl!! I have to really chiong for this. Seeing from my situation, my friend say I have to study 8 hours a day to get good grades... Can you imagine it?... Wah kao... I cannot make it one la. Hopefully, I can pass all of the subjects happy already. I have really make a mistake when I choose to come to JC.

2005-09-08T00:06:00.000+08:00

I never dream that I will have met you
For all this while I thought
I have nothing to hold on

I never dream that I will have like you
For all this while I thought
Noone have liked me

I have seen myself in the books
And never thought the stories are true
Until you come along and bring in the beautiful life

So I will believe
You are the one I have hoped for
I will hold your hands
Because I wont want to leave you
I will be able to rest
On your laps and wash away the tireness
I can with you
You will never leave me alone

2005-09-07T23:39:00.000+08:00

I went to school everyday. I dont why, I always feel so stupid in school. I am a loner. And ppl wont talk to me, and I wont talk to them. There is really nothing to talk. But I keep telling myself, it is fine...it is fine... Someday, Somewhere, I will have someone to talk to.

I walk the streets everyday. I dont why, I always feel so stupid...again. I looks like a loner. People are with friends, family. I am walking alone. I envy them. But I keep telling myself, it is fine...it is fine... Someday,somewhere, I will have someone to go out with.

I will look at people walking past me everyday. Some will stare at me. Some will ignore me. It almost seems like I can hear their irrating voices from their head. And I try to ignore all of them. I have become a loner. It is fine...it is fine...

I wait at home everyday. Wait for parents to come home, brother to call me. And I isnt lonely anymore. It is really fine...

Can you imagine it? A life of a stupid loner. But some ppl prefer to call me a independent person. lol. Luckily I have people to concern me. And I have my aims to achieve. Living is still a good thing. :)

2005-09-07T09:42:00.001+08:00

Fear
Anxiety
Evil
Can you fight with it

Lonely
Helpless
Ugly thoughts
Can you bear with it

Hatred
Depressed
Low confidence
Can you live with it

-------

Hmmm...is this considered a peom? A little simple, dont you so. Trying to express the ugly things most people would have experienced. Mmmh for the good peom or song...tml than write.

2005-09-05T10:49:00.000+08:00

imbecile - A person whose mental acumen is well below par.
cocotte - A woman prostitute.
apache - A thug; a ruffian.
dangleberry - A deciduous shrub (Gaylussacia frondosa) of the eastern United States, having dark blue fruits. Also called dwarf huckleberry .
cretin - An idiot.
cyprian -A wanton person. A prostitute.

How is danagleberry is a vulgar word?

2005-09-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

Look forward

The world before your eyes
Looks like a nameless train
It takes you to nowhere
And yet it is still moving

The people in the world
Are like faceless people
Dont you just hate
Walking past them

Ever wonder if you alight the train
You are in a different world
And if you can talk to the people
You can see their faces again

Ever wonder if you put a little more effort
You can live differently
And if you have believe in more
You can move on a little more

And so dont you look forward
To live in your world
Dont you look forward
To feel the beautiful faces

Written by : Xu Wowei @ Hui Yok Wei The Genius

"You can paint your world"

2005-09-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

Blogging is great!! I look at my and other ppl's blog at least twice a day whenever I can use my computer.

Ming Zhi said blogs are for sissys, who wants ppl to understand them. Come on! Who doesnt want to be understood. But that doesnt mean we are sissys lol. I am also blogging for my good old friends too. It brings me great joy when I know they are still concerned of my life.

And when you are blogging, it is your world! You can say and do anything you want man. What fun! But you shouldnt get so obbessed in it such that you neglected the real world. When it is time to face reality, face it like a man. Same goes for women.

I think blogging as some sort of escapism. It is just like sleeping or listening to music. There is nothing wrong with escapism. Quoting from some book, "In prehistoric times, our ancestors began building shelters and planting crops in order to escape from nature's harsh realities." Perhaps that means when thing gets harsh, we escape to some place to avoid being destroyed, to recover from the damage done.

okok. have to face reality. got to sleepliao. bye~~

2005-09-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

Only true courage can write yourself a moving story...
I cannot write this story anymore. It is not a moving story, it is a sad sad story :'(
It only say how stupid I am, how weak I can be... so let me keep this little sercet for longer...

I believe this memory can be happy, this scar can heal... so let me jia you jia you!!

So, what's courage?
5 year old. I thought tt fighting is being courageous. Ignorant. Dumb.
10 year old. I thought tt rebelling against teachers and parents is being brave. Stupid. Idoit.

And there is also another type of courage

So broken down
So robbed of any hope
Yet there is still strength
To fight for a better tomorrow
To rebel against the darkness
I think that is called courage

Courage to love yourself
Courage to face the everything
Courage to stop running away
Courage to never give up
Hold on your courage dearly
And everyone will hold on you dearly too

:)

True courage can save you from destroying your life. They can come from anywhere, kinship, love, friendship or merely survival. So let's find our own's courage!!

Do you think so too?

Chapter 1: First expression

2005-08-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

At the second year of my dull secondary school, she came in like a missing puzzle. The first completed set was my eyes. They were all on her. I did not understand why. There were many beautiful junior females around. But I only wanted to look at her.

She is sooooo pretty, mature-looking, intelligent-looking and confident. And she smile or laugh, she is sooooo cute. She has untidy hair. Probably, because she is lazy to keep them neat. But she still looks as good.

I told my friend: Hey, that girl is sooooo chio.
My friend probably had agreed. He better.

I could not see her with many friends, but she looked close to her good friends. She smartly keeps a distance from people when she talk, and does not look like those kind of crazy crazy kind of girls. I think she has an independant way of thinking. She may look just a winny bit of cold, but I think that is the way she keep suiters at bay. And then I imagined all good traits that she may have...

I was too shy to take any action to let her notice me. However, I could have never imagined how lucky I was...

2005-08-29T17:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was allowed to use my computer, yipee, after my father had cooled down after 2 weeks. The keyboard and mouse are actually not entirely spoiled. 2nd week of anniversity of death of computer . But I revived it. I will surpass you!!!!!!

It is almost time to submit my coursework. And I havent finished it! I have to chiong this week liao.

When I was sleeping in Mr Koh's lesson today, he call me to go somewhere else to study if I am not interested in his lesson. And I got out of the class... unbelieveable.

My spider has grow about twice it's size and change to black colour. Woohoo, thanks to my care. But it seems less active, maybe because I am shaking its box too much about and it receive some shock unrecovered.

And I am writing a new story in my blog!! It is about a girl I met in secondary school. I am bloody smart, noone then has noticed about it. muhahahaha :)

Great expections---Intro--Painful Love

2005-08-29T10:02:00.000+08:00

'She stared at me, as if expecting me to respond. As if she is saying, "come on, come to me." But I didnt look to her like usual. I didnt wave cheerfully at her like usual. I didnt say something funny to make her laugh like usual. I didnt even take a step forthward. I had nothing to give her anymore. And I was still afraid that she do not like me. So I turned and walked away. I wasnt even crying. Only running. Running away from all my feelings. Hoping to sink them all down into the ocean.' That's only a short period of time and it feels like everything I remember about this girl...

2005-08-25T12:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, MingZhi, MingZhong(they are not brothers) and me catch 3 centipedes. We kept them in a glass bottle in the artroom. They are very fierce when they are fighting and twisting each other together. And their fangs are almost bigger than their head. They store their venom in there, bite ppl sure very pain...and their tenacles wiggling about and being licked at. So scary. We try to feed a grasshopper to it, but they dont eat it. Then today, we found the glasshopper dead... Is it biten by the centripedes, if so, why didnt they eat it...Or does centipedes release poison gases?...Or it is scared to death...Noone knows... Darn I should have examine the body b4 throwing it away. And becoz MingZhong does not want the centipedes to die of hungry, he released them today.

This is one of the "in" things going on in the artroom. MingZhi has a praying mantis. MingZhong has a daddy long-legs. Bell has a catpillar. I has a fierce unknown fighting spider. And May has a slug! Lol. Believe it.

2005-08-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

22th August...weekly anniversity of my computer's death, murderer is my pop...

I am going to do this week to remind myself that------- Father!!!!! I will surpass you!!!!!

Mdm Azian used so many chim english to scold us today... I was stunned...

Artcoursework not finished...must work faster...

Tutionwork doing too slowly...must hurry and catch up...

Maths lesson now...must go....

cya!!!

2005-08-16T14:13:00.000+08:00

Fuck la, my dad and I quarrelled yesterday for over 20 mins.
He went mad lo. When I tried to talk about some reasons, he called me to shut up. He even say I am allowed to talk anything, thinking that I am merely talking back at him. Knn la, I dont want to listen to him this time lo. I was like so fucked up and scream at him lo. And he was so pissed off tt his face looks like a baboon's butt.
And he smash my com keyboard. And continued to scold a lotttttttttt of vulgunties at me. We almost fight. I dont care about the keyboard, I just dun agree to him making a decision which will not benefit me at all.
I call him to stop harressing me. Then i locked the door. And he call me never to lock it anymore. I keep quiet and open the door just to appease him. And I was scolding all the vulguties when he finally went away...tmd
I can never use my computer again. I have to write this in school... Good bye , all night msn campers...

Unbelievable

2005-08-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

I skated to my tution teacher's house today to hand in some late work...... it is a big mistake... when i was coming back , it rained... and i decided to act cool and skate in the rain.
Nono nothing happened to me... it is my skates... Becoz of the mud and dirt on it, I dismantle it and clean it with a clean cloth mah... then I was trying to screw off the screw of the bearings... I used too much strength and one of the screw changed shape!!
It is hell... I trying to take off the screw and replace it with another one... but it wont come off... I tried...and tried...and tried for 2 hours...and I still cannot accept the fact I cannot fix it... the screw just gets more out of shape...
NOOOOOOOOOOO I have spoiled my roller blade after 2 weeks i bought it!!! No choice, I have to bring to art room tml to see what i can do to it... or else have to go east coast.
Distorted screw...bruised hands..broken heart...

Vitagen - finale

2005-08-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

What shall I do...

I does not have an affinity for words, as you can see from how I write this. I rather let my actions show...

I can still drink the milk vitagens. But that asshole only drinks milk. If I drink that, he will have nothing to drink.
Or I can stop drinking the milk vitagens. But when I think of my brother's that character... What do you think I am? An idoit? Why must I give in to him...
I can share... that seems like the best way.

But...
like Grandma have said before, Some things you can give up

Brother: It is a miracle you are not drinking any of the milk vitagen.
Eddy: Humph, none of your business.

Some things you cannot lose, like a...

Eddy: Pig.

-------------------------------------------------------
End of story.

After I write this story, then I know how limited my use of words are. And somethings are diffcult to tell with my lack of skill and knowledge of words... Looks like it will be a while b4 i can write another story like this.

And I know the theme is lame. but i dun care wahahhaha

Please give me some comments........

Vitagen- part 4

2005-08-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

And so ColdWar n started. We rarely use fists. Furthermore, I cannot win him by force. He is much more taller and stronger than me. We just stop talking to each other. And when we do...

Brother and Eddy: pig

The next day, I open the fridge with a surprise. Three of the other flavours vitagens are untouched. Brother didnt drink any of them? What a picky guy he is ... Well, I bet he will come and get one when he is thristy.

Eddy: Brother, why didnt you drink any vitagens?
Brother: I only like milk. Scam.
Eddy: ...

I feel disgusted of my brother's bad habit of being so picky. I feel that he is so spoiled, he always wants the best, always expects the best and cannot appreciate anything else. But I dont dare to say it out.

The next day, I open the fridge again.

Eddy( to ownself): What? He really didnt drink any of the vitagens?

I feel I have taken something away from him...
God damn it, what's the problem with him? He is not going to drink anything except milk?

It takes me 5 days to finish the packet of vitagens myself.
My brother has drank none of them.
I feel sorry for what I have done.
----------------------------------------
part 5 tml!

Vitagen-part3

2005-08-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

Eddy: Leave one milk for me.
Brother: You can drink the orange one. I want this one hahahaha
Eddy: What? You just drank one this morning! Dont tell me your mage needs a drink too.
Brother: Hahahaha

Nuuu he took the last milk vitagen again! It is like the third time he drunk all the vitagenkings everytime mum buys one packet. Why is he always faster than me? He is not as fast as that when mother calls him to sweep the floor! pig! Next time he will get it!

Next time comes the next day when Mum buys a new packet. I immediately take one vitagenking and drink it. Then I hide another in the corner in the fridge and cover it with some containers, then I will drink it later at night. If he cannot notice it, he wont get to drink any vitagenkings, muahhahaha.

Brother: Eddy!! You drank all the milk vitagens!! You selfish pig!!
Eddy: No, I shared them with my warrior.
Brother: Pig.
Eddy: Brother.
Brother: No, it is supposed to be pig Eddy.
Eddy: I said pig brother first. Hahahaha. Know how annoying you are now?
Brother: ...

I get back on him finally. O it feels soooo good. He gets a taste of how I have felt before.Revenge is sweeeeet.
---------------------------------------
part4 tml!

Vitagen-part2

2005-08-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

Eddy: Brother la. He doesnt want come and open the door. Why do I always have to do the work?
Mum: He is a lazy bum la. But brothers have to help each other. Must love each other ok?

What!!?? Love him!!?? That stinky idoit!? He only loves his computer. He never helps me do anything. He doesnt talks to me about anything. He dont takes me out to play. He is bad tempered. He always orders me around. How can I tell anyone he is my brother? How I can love him? I rather love a pig.

Eddy: Ya right, pig.
Brother: Eddy
Eddy: What does that mean?
Brother: You say "pig" , I say "Eddy". That means "Pig Eddy". Hahahaha
Eddy: Why...you...youuu..youuuuuu

I hate talking to him...

Mum: Stop it la. Come and help me with the stuff, Eddy. Have a vitagen too.
Eddy: Yeah!...what's that.
Mum: A drink. I saw children drinking that. I thought it is good for you.

Mother is the best person in the family. Everyone in the house loves her.
This is the first time I have a vitagen. I fall in love with vitagen after that. It is a drink kids will love, even my brother. But he is very picky. Vitagen comes with 5 bottles in a packet with 4 flavours: 2 milk, 1 apple, 1 grape, 1 orange. Milk is the most tasty flavour, sweetest and smoothest among all. I call it the vitagenking!! My brother never drinks the other 3.
Pig.

------------------------------
part3 -tml then write

Vitagen

2005-08-10T13:26:00.002+08:00

I like to write stories.
This is a story about an imaginary character Eddy, age12, single, student.
Based on a few peronal experience. Not entirely true. You nid not believe this.
Have fun reading!

VITAGEN-part 1

"DingDong" I am not going to open the door.
"DingDong" I wait, trying to be calm, trying not to think of the person outside...my mum, she will surely yell at me if I dont...and I cant let her stay outside for so long...Argh!
Fine! Whatever! I am going to be the stupid person who always does the work while my lazy brother sits at his computer chair all day!

Eddy: Cant you open the door for once, you pig.
Brother: Shut up, I am playing World of Warcraft.
Eddy: Pig.

I know about doorbells.
There are the impatient type of bells, which goes "dingdongdingdongdingdong..." at 2"dingdong" per second and hard knocks at the door as if it wont break. These are my brother's.
There are the attention-seeking type of bells, which goes "dingdong" twice, and then after a while, you can hear the keys opening the door. My father's.
And there are the normal type of bells. Mother's. It is "dingdong" twice and then silence. But they are also the most dangerous bells...

Mum: What the ghost are you two doing!!?? I have been waiting for minutes!! And to think I am buying these stuffs ( points at stuff ) for you. It is hot outside, look at my sweat! You want a scolding from me issnt?

As if that isnt enough for a scolding...
-------------------------------------------------

you get part2 tml!

2005-08-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, I have returned my 50-dollar debt to Edwin. Oh yeah, no more skipping lunches and cooking simple meals ever again! Tt's why my grandma always say we must save money for emergency use.

And I still didnt pass my 2.4 today again..boohoo. I was still tying my shoelaces when they started running and the teacher didnt even see that. And I still has a slight stomachache, when running lol. Every step makes it painer...O forgot it. I want NAFA silver, but ... Y~~~~

I had my first encounter with a spyware today. It keeps making pop-ups and I got freaked out after a while and install some spyspotter programme from a pop-up. And after a while of scanning, they call me to register for some spyware removal programme... So, this is some plot behind that the pop-ups.... The pop-ups doesnt appear now...and so I didnt have a spyware in my com...idoit.

2005-08-01T22:59:00.000+08:00

Lost soul
Where have you drift
Why did you drift
When in the end
You will still come back
Like you have tied a string to me

Do you remember me
My mind says I have forgotten
Have you came back
My mind says I have lost you
But my mind also says I dont really know

I cannot hug you
I cannot kiss you
there is no proof that
you have even existed
except myself

2005-07-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

...

nothing to write...
nothing to do...
only sleep...
-------------------------------------------------
They say music can heal, I believe in that

2005-07-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

DAMN

I went school to do art today and found out that they do not open the gates to the dungeon. My coursework is in it! Mr Daniel is going to kill me for not completing anything today...

And so i used 1 hour to test colours, test some effects, do more studies in the artroom... And then there is one boy and one girl inside the artroom. Both are jc 1. Well, being shy or what, I didnt greet them and they didnt greet me too. haha.

And I went home feeling so stupid...And then play maple the whole day...

DAMN

I then realised I have been sucked into the internet world for too long...And it is influencing my sense, my thoughts and my actions...too late... Horrible black screen monster.

And I am doing my gp tution hwk now...

Bad mood

2005-07-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

I wish I can kick somone!! ...AAA bad mood today and no idea why...Little sleep?...Family quarrel?

Doesnt matters...Blood run any o how inside me...Breathing becomes heavy...Cannot think properly...

Shouted at my mum this morning ...Regretted it...Strangely our coldwars always ended in less than 2 hours...we just cannot rage at each other for long now

Coz we are tired of doing so?...Is this good or bad?...But that doesnt mean we accept each other's idea...There is no time and space for understanding

And the whole day I was not forcusing in school...Drawing shuwen at audi ...Have to act sick at PE...Being a zombie at GP lesson

Feeling like throwing things..But I endured it...And have a fever after that...Is this good or bad?

IamlosingitIamlosingitIamlosingitIamlosingitIamlosingitIamlosingitIamlosingit
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone

And I lay in bed for hours...Cannot sleep, cannot dream...I have to pick myself up...zzzz

My mind is clearer now...first time I write my mood on my blog...Is this good...or bad?

2005-07-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

Let's me share with u how to cook the super supper meal : crab meat bowl.

why cook this?:
1) you are hungry ( at night or anytimes for a light meal)
2) it is not oily, not fatty, not salty, not *****... very safe ( not proven healthy or not though) to eat
3) it is a simple-to-cook meal, anyone who knows how to on/off the fuel switch, can cook it
4) you are bored
5) when you got sick and tired of studying and nids something to eat as you are reading notes

what u need:
simply about 5-7 pieces of crab meat and a egg

How to cook:
1) Boil crabmeat with water for 10 mins
2) Then put all crabmeat into a bowl, allowing the bowl half filled with soup.
3) Then crack the egg and put its contents into the bowl.(the soup should still be hot and steaming)
4) Cover the bowl with a plate or another bowl.
5) Wait till the egg is cooked inside.

DONE---------Yok Wei's Crab Bowl.
hope u like it...

Dun underestimate the power of crabmeat!!!

2005-07-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

"Live for the moment."

Talking to a good friend suddenly reminds me of this, which I seems to have forgotten for a long time...

I am going to take action to solve all my problems. I am going to pull physic and maths back to my heart. I am going to stop watching the television. It has a brain disrupting effect on me. I am going to be so bloody good in arts that Mr Daniel is scared tt I will surpass him. I am going to talk nicely to my parents and brother now. I am going to talk to some girls. I am rubbing away all my rust, I am starting all over again...I am not going to miss a thing.

God give me strength!!

I am going to find a path of my own. I am tired of feeling so lost... I am going to find back again the things I used to believe in... No matter what other ppl says...

God give me courage!!

(Am listening to jay chou's new song now on radio. Always finds him amazing...)

2005-07-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

WOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAA lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaa I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!!!! I got my Aero 7!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got my Aero 7!!!!!!!! I got my Aero 7!! !!!!!!!!!!!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!! I got my Aero 7!!

my coursework....

2005-07-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

OMG I am a genius!!! ok dun shoot me first.

It is about my coursework...I am doing two paintings on carvas 190-140 cm mah. And I tried a method of painting grass today and it worked so well. I am using only a small brush and then for dark patches of grass , I just poking at the same area with my brush. Then less grass, then poke less lo...So there is only poking and poking and lots of poking with green paint on the large carvas for the 1 hour...

I thought only impressionist artist in the past can do. I can do it too!!! And I was always idolising Claude Monet. Now i feel like idolising myself...

5x days to submission of coursework...

2005-07-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

Darn, i went into artroom and didnt do my coursework and get scolded by Mr Daniel again. I was doing some experiment on toning then. I get upset when he scolds me. I dont do art to suit what he expects and gets scolded for that. And I seldom expects people to know what I am doing. And I was depressed for a few hours later... rarely have I been bothered by teacher's comments... He is still right that I have little time to finish my coursework... and I rmb someone who went into artroom today and got scolded like me :P haha

yokwei, jia you jia you jia you

My dear friend, Tan Wee Long requests me to write something about him.

Remember the time we used to laugh together
Like there is no trouble in the world

There is a place when the friendship last forever
There are no fears and no tears

And when I was torn and pushed aside
You pulled back again the broken kite

So that I can fly up again
When I have you by my side

And you can always be by my side
Anytime you nid a hand...

My roller blade...

2005-07-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

I went to Inline center for 3 times and I havent bought my skate!!
First time , The shop didnt open.
Yesterday I went there with Elaine. Feel grateful and sorry for Elaine, who just went to there to look at the skates with me.
And then this smart-looking guy convinced me to pay a geoblade. I didnt have a really good testing on it, becoz i only skate it around the very smalll shop and it is raining outside.
And when I play with it when I went home, It is not really good, and it is worse than my brother's.
Yes, the smart-looking guy already said that before, but I didnt know that it is that much. I regret buying it already. Then, I went admiring some really good skates on the internet...
And today, I went there again. It is a shop of skaters and workers and they let me change the skates. I was being stupid when I asked if they sell those really good skates on the internet and for a badget of $200.
Of course, they dun have such skates for such low prices...And they introduce this Aero 7 skate for me. I feels good wearing it, but it cost 239!! I have to save up 20 more dollars... and go there for the 4th time next time... But they agree to reservse that pair I tested. I feel good after that. Can sleep tonite liao...
I look forward to getting my new skates!! Then I can go and play with Elaine and her gang!
And one of the workers offer me to be a coach there. WOOOHHHAAA :D:D:D I think it is ultra cool to coach rollerblade as my job. Then i can coach my friends and also play rollerblade whenever i like :D:D:D

2005-07-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAA so tired today that I forgot what i am tired about...O it is my course work for art. My teacher and the artroom people keep asking me about it. And I finally started on it today. I expect it to be tough, but not THISSS tiring.

Firstly I have to move the OHP down to the basement, where my coursework is. Then I have to position my cousework and the OHP in the right way so that they are ... the light of the OHP shines 90 degrees to my carvas so that the image is right. I am going to use the image form the OHP as a reference to draw on my carvas. For that , I spend almost 30 mins and have to run up and down , to and fro the artroom and the bastment a few times, moving things and stuffs.

Then , I mixed my paint to get ready to paint. That part is painful. I did have the right colours mixed, but I keep thinking of putting green layer first that i forgot about blue...and becoz the brush is easily dirtied, I have to always go back to artroom to clean it. Anyway after a while of confusion and more trips to and fro artroom, I finally started painting...

I really make a mistake thinking that I can really use artroom materials...but the bottles are dirty , the cloth is dirty, which make my carvas a little dirty when i started working with them. I have to buy my own clean materials for my coursework next time. Luckily, it is only the first layer and I dun have to care about a little dirtiness.

The OPH is light. But if you move it too much , you will feel how heavy it is. And I did...more than 10 times. Becoz I have to draw on two carvas. I open the OPH's light, do one laying on one carvas first. Then while waiting for it to dry, I move the OHP over to the next carvas and put another laying on the other carvas. I just put about 9 layings on the two carvas today and I feel like I just ran 2.4

Finally , I finished using the OPH and decided to call it a day. Looking at the carvas, I feel very satisfied. No matter how I tired I am.They have a lot undone, but I feel that this is a good start... Cleaning and packing up in process.......done! RELIEFFFF. Everyone is gone in the artroom, except a JC1. I think her name is May...Dun care, just go straight home and sleep liao. Feeling pain in the back and on the leg...

Argh still have do the English compo...And looking forward to getting my Nike Air Man...

2005-07-20T22:21:00.000+08:00

Damn. I wasted 2 hours going the farrer road just to know that the inline centre is closed and are giving lessons somewhere else!!! Should have called first. To think they say they open everyweek day on their website and on the phone, they call me to come back on week ends! Havent got my Nike Air Schuh Men yet...

I noticed changes to myself after having spent more time studying now. First thing , i feel like a robot. Work, Work and sometimes i am even afraid to rest when i am tired. Used to lay down on bed for whole day without giving any shit to anything when only slightly working for a while. But I feel good after that. Instead of stressing over thinking and doing stupid things, at least I know what I am doing. And I can control myself more now liao. Still have to cut the habit of watching too much tv...Maybe I can practise my skating instead...

Mr Koh.K.K my form teacher is right about having to disclipine myself instead of letting others to do it...He talked to me in class today about my things, even though i dont listen to half of what he says...

Currently, I am learning to stop instantly with the skates without using the brakes. I get a little here and there, but it is not steady yet. Will take a while to get the hang of it. Anyone out there skates!!!??? Or wants to skate!!?? I am a very lonely skater...

2005-07-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

I finally has $150!! So much thanks to Edwin, the only person who will lend me 50 bucks. YEAHHHHH i am going to come home with the coolest blade in the shop tml.

I finally has an idea how to go inline centre. Thanks to Sam, former secondary classmate...YEAHHHHH i am going to come home with the coolest blade in the shop tml.

Finally!! YEAHHHHH

OMG Roller Blade 50-70 percent discount!!!

2005-07-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

There is a clearance sale in Singapore Inline Skating Training Centre. I want to buy the blade !!!!! But my parents dun want to lend me money. No choice have to use my money ... but i dun have enough... can any kind souls out there lend me 50 bucks please!!!! I dont want to wait for the sale to be over... please lend me some money!! I sound so despo, haiz. 70% discount...Nike Blade...my dream blade...

2005-07-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

Went TM and waited 2 hours b4 Reagan came...But it is because I refuse to go home and go early. haha. Stand at the top level of TM and look at chio bu for 2 hours................... JK. Actually, I sit look quietly somewhere near the MRT station and did a sketch first. Sometimes I feel like sketching people. But i scare they will beat me. After that, go top of TM babe watching...

The Batman movie I watched today with Reagan is so cool!!! The character is just damn cool. Batman travel to places with so bad conditions to become strong and accept the training... and I love the way batman train to overcome his fear (to overcome fear, u must become fear...) and how he stand firm on his belief that he will not kill anyone in the name of justice. But the ending is just pure fighting and fighting, a bit boring. And the steward ...haha... makes a lot of good jokes out of everything. And the enemies are intelligent too.

This movie is cool, the story is cool, the characters are cool, the car is cool... instead of the same superhero with the stupid comstume to save the town from stupid clowns...but the comstume remains stupid. I feel that the mask should cover the whole face. Just like Spawn. Finally, batman becomes more of the children's hero.
Haiz, I havent watched War of the Worlds. It is like the rest of the singapore has watched it excepted me...and i dont wanna watch it alone...

Oh, simple thing where have you gone?
I 'm getting old and I need something to reply on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Zhong Kan lent me "KEANE" the cd and I feel the music is rather nice. I like the "Somewhere Only We Know" song very much...Keep replaying it until I song...Copying the songs to my media player now.

Studied 2 hours today and it is late. Looks like I cannot maple today.

2005-07-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

Well... I didnt go school today and yesterday. I have a MC for 2 days. Something wrong with my stomach. I think I have heatness. Need to drink more water. And I didnt study at all today.Watch Tv. And I sleep for 5 hours this afternoon. Man, I am a pig. After, I woke up it is 7.30 and the sky is dark and I am alone at home.

I keep thinking of ghost and imagine how I will meet them at home. And I become quite scared of moving around my house... But soon the feeling go away. Maybe becoz of the spooky advertisment I watch in the morning. "Incredible Tales." I think it will be an scary show. Wonder if I wanna watch it or not. I am surprised Singapore can make such shows... It looks as good as "Dark Water"...haha

Then, I cook dinner and eat. I planned to eat quickly and study. But a chinese comedy show about an unlucky woman and a capable fengshui master man attract my attention...haha. Guess I have to complete my gp tution hwk tml. Damn, I keep hearing this japanese horror movie advertisment from the radio...scary...

Go Maple now liao...lvl 15 thief, name Rainman

2005-07-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

Time waits for no man...

I finally found a few words to express my feelings about studies...Watching a science show give me the thoughts...I admit I didnt put much heart into studying ever since I was about 10...but somehow i still feel the need to study...because people around me worship it...so at PSLE, O lvl, I pia and scored more than expected...do you call it luck or what...but truthfully, PSLE and O lvl is a piece of cake...

But for A lvl, that is not possible...I am aware of how diffcult the papers can be and also how lousy my school is...If I dun give more than the shit I am giving now, I cannot survive the armageddon that awaits us in about 120 days or less...and I am trying to catch up and make it right.

But, sometimes i just feel the urge to rebel...to hate my studies and stop studying...because it makes my life hell now...whenever my parents and I talk, we argue about my studies...they will says things like, " you should have been hardworking last time instead of now"... I hate it when people say such things to me...It is stupid, the past is got nothing to do with now...I am really trying to catch up.

I am very clear how stupid I am in the past...But I dun need someone to remind me of that...And make me feel I am still living in the past...The feeling is the same in school...All the stuff i dunno know...I cannot get help from anyone...so helpless and stupid...I dun improve in school...and I am living everyday like everyday is yesterday...Sometimes I dun feel like going to school...I dun live for the school you know...I suppose many ppl share the same feeling as I.

Time waits for no man...I think we should treasure what we have now...

2005-07-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

AAA (sign of relief) , feels better today...did some drawings today...Why I love art? Actually, i dun realli know...but it feels good to do a nice drawing...drawing has changed the way i look at things in life...I cannot recongisned many things by their names, but more of their looks like most ppl...And drawing make them stay more visually in my head...and it lets me stay in a calm state...not like i look at something (chem notes) and my mind will spin and spin until I cannot think anymore...mmmhhh...drawing keeps everything together in their places...I can really focus when i draw.

I know i really cannot ignore my parents and sibling's irrating talks...but i try to not let them affect what i am doing...I really have to start noticing somethings around, identify distracting things and do something about them...ignoring is escaping...i have to face it...And the most far away problem is my studies...i have to catch up...have to try to study more than 4 hours perday...must draw at least 1 hour per day too...John is right...Zhong kan is right...Edwin is right...dun wanna die, must study...

my life...

2005-07-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

my life...ur life...

lol, this is an ugly copy of a popular abstract painting. Can you tell something from it?

i seen it once b4 in some book. Recently, i saw it again in a comic book...

In case u say it is ugly, i have another nicer painting.

Both i use the programme "paint" to do. the first 10 mins, second one 3hours...

Second one looks a little blur...

2005-07-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

argh...parents ban me from bringing friends back home...Hey i dun let this affect my studies...i only let them come once a week...I have been studying everyday now...and dont they know that i am very lonely at home...that is the only enjoyment i can have in the day...

parents ban me from using computer...ok i admit , it is my fault...i play too much and let it affect my studies...but i still hate them for doing tt

parents dun let me skate to school...say it is dangerous...yes it is, but who says it issnt...who says buses dun have accidents...yes bus are safer...becoz the driver is good...i can be good skater too...but they dun allow...just becoz the freaking papers say that the buses and mrt are so bloody safe for us...they dun listen to me...they trust the papers more than they trust me...and they never will trust me

I am angry at my parents and myself...why am i not superman...maybe they can trust me if i am...GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!

I want to be free!!! LET ME GROW UP FASTER!!!

crap...crap...i fear for what will happen to us in the future...

2005-07-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

很累

歌詞: Me

歌曲: Penny Tai (album- "愛瘋了-試探")

我只不過是一個人

也是想要別人來關心

可是為什麼關心我的人都不開心

在安靜的心房思想

那一些曾經快樂的回憶

只不過過了一段時間我也想要回到過去

chorus*

為什麼規章不用睡

為什麼別人聽不見我的聲音

為什麼想要的自由沒有人會真心想要給

每天唱的歌都無味

每天好像感覺不到自己的生命

每天都這樣過日子我真的覺得很累

擦乾眼淚覺得傷悲

別人早已往前飛

孤獨的翅膀飛不飛我無所謂

I use penny's music for my lyrics... (so thick skin...should say i changed the lyrics of penny's song...dun care dun care...hehe). The front part and the lyrics a bit not fit arh...but nvm, i think the whole thing is nice (thick-skinned).

Penny rocks!

AA she got one give-signature-event, dunno wanna go or not...

And thanks daniel, for helping me with making radio.blog in my blog.

2005-07-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

damnnn, I havent finish my gp commentary... aya, give it up la...I just get to know tt i need to do tt today, zzz...got excuse not to do...hope very much no teachers read my blog...please...mdm azian , if u read this, pls understand that i really cannot do this...not without even one article. I am going to get shit today.

Dead fish meat??

2005-07-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

AAAA I AM DEAD I AM DEAD FUCK I AM DEAD KNNB I AM DEAD AAAAAAA I AM MAD ............................................................................

ok relax...my parent found out about my test results eariler than expected. O freak. A kao... scold, scold,scold... yell back... sian diao... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok... it is alright now, they wont be coming in my rm for a while... my father say what i have been doing last year... talking about the past... when i am looking forward to the future... I need a brighter future to cover my dark past... and then the scolding goes on, "you must the weakest student in school, you are so dumb, do u really wanna study..." ZZZ, i cant help it... Yell back... call them out of my room... just keep shouting "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" This usually works, it is like i am saying they are causing suffering to me and make them feel guilty... and they realli got out.

I know they have faith in me...even if i have failed my subjects this test...but they still said those freaking things to discourage me...seems to make them feel better...haiz...everything is falling apart...and i trying to hold them together...too late?...fuck not...no problem for me...just wait and see.

And why noone reads my blog ... boohoo... john... my blog is more lonely than yours...have to link to more blogs... One thing good about blog... I remembers and think about things happening around me... Helps blur little me a lot.

And why everyone likes to use dotdotdot "..." for blogs to replace puncatuations ... looks better to read i guess...easy to type also... i also use... hehe

2005-07-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

Just two days in school , I am going mad again...The things they are teaching are driving me so...Almost all the time, I feel so stupid and vulenrable in school... And I have this bad habit of hypnosising myself...I just say to myself, "I dun see this...i dun see this...i dun hear this...i dun hear this..." and It seems to make the problem worse... I mustttttt do some work!!arghhhhhh...

I came up with this plan...Study at 6pm to 7.30, eat till 8.00...study to 10pm...parents come back from work and i can play maple...In the afternoon, i do anything i like: learn my skating; practise my drawing; go somewhere shop or watch movie... The most cruical thing is to pull off my shackles from the TV...I am wasting too much time on it...diffcultttt...let's see how i can last...

O damn , my mum found out i took pink form go home yesterday and i didnt tell her... Got a good scolding from her... right after, i got a nosebleed... can still smell the dry blood now... o freak blood stains on my short pants too...AAA, wash it... A, i take this chance to tell ppl reading this a good traditional method of stopping nosebleed:

"YOKWEI'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT"
For a normal nosebleed caused by heatness,( can also call ur fren to help u)
1) Clean off the blood on ur lips and btw ur lips and nose first with water
2) Wet one of ur hands
3) Hold ur head up , looking at the sky
4) Pant it softly on ur forehead for a few times
5) Wet ur hand and pant ur head again repeatedly
6) Until u feel ok, check for any more bleeding.
7) Feeling alright ? If yes, u can start cleaning ur nose inside now.
Fin

It is better and faster than the Put-a-wet-tissue-on-ur-nose method, you speed up the recovery process and lessen the blood lost. If it still bleeds, get proffessional help :P

Nites...

skateboard!!

2005-07-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

yeah i bought a mini skateboard at 25 dollars at parkway...I am going to learn how to skate it, then i know how to ride a bike, rollar blade and skateboard liao...It is not easy sia, hard to balance...i think it will take weeks for me to learn to jump...then tricks...but the main pt is i wan to skate to school...fun...and cool...and i can save 1 dollar perday...and i can reach home early...and i can take a nice bath after i reach home and.....

NS medicial check up

2005-07-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

Heard much about , asked much about , but there is nothing about it. They check you, check you and check you again. They did call you to take your pants, check ur private part. It is nothing embassaring, the instructor is not sissy and quite friendly. It is so stupid , especially the survey. God, all the questions are almost the same, and there are 19 pages. I write till my arm broke. Nothing much to talk about it... play maple...

2005-07-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i saw the skinniest cat in my life. It is tiny and sort of cute. It was behind me when i was sitting at the busstop yesterday. And it has a weak meow and looks pitiful.

I think it smelt my fish porridge i bought and it was hungry. It didnt look at me, even though the porridge is mine. I look at it for a while. It still walks around me for quite a while and i think it wants my porridge.

I took one piece of fish from my porridge and feed it to the cat. It retreated when it saw my hand, only to eat when i took it away. I think the fish is too hot, so it take a while for it to eat.

Then i tore another piece of fish up into smaller pieces, gave a few gentle blows at it to cool it, and feed it to the kitten. It ate with ease and i felt a little happy about tt.

I feed it 3 more pieces. After eating all, the cat came begging for more. It looked at me and it is not a look of liking or what, but like, " Give me fish, i dont want to be hungry." They are big and beautiful.

I hold up my fish-flavoured finger in front of it, wondering if it will lick it. Well, it didnt. Guess it was still afraid of me.

Feed it the last piece and the bus came. I took the chance to pat and touch its head while it was eating, and i go.

Well, a thought of taking it home like my friend had done before once crossed my mind. But i gave it up quickly. I dont think I have the ability to take care of it and my house is half of the time without people. And my parent wont agree either.

The cat has a strong will to survive, making me feel me sort of useless. I dont even have the will to do some things i should do sometimes. And somethings I want to do, I give up half way sometimes. Haizzzzzz , I must be stronger!!

Woohoo

2005-06-30T03:52:00.000+08:00

The time now is 3.53am, 30th June 2005. I finally finished my preparation for my art test tml! Spent 5 hours to do it. I put a lot of heart in it. I think this must be my best pre-work liao. The last pre-works have rather messy ideas and not done nicely :P First time do pre-work can think so smoothly. Ideas just come as naturally as my breathe. Feel so good, and tired. Coughing, backpain, legs numb, but eyes still opening wide!!Has been a long time since I stayed up so late to do work. I hope I can hung on tml... maple...too bad i cant play now...

sadsad

2005-06-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

Ouch, the pain
Still holding on to my heart
Raining pouring
I cannot feel a thing

Sing a song
Crying for my weakness
Take a bath
Washing away the tears

Watch the moon
Wishing to be up there
Embrace the wind
Remembering this moment

Hate you
But cant leave you...

exams...

2005-06-28T16:34:00.000+08:00

As usual, i forgot what time is the exam...It is supposed to start at 1pm...I went at 7.30pm...Was laughed by the boys again...Nvm...and James cuts his hair almost botak...wasted some time at the art room...went home...slept, play gunbound...came back at 1...take test...the hall is freezing...the Tall Michelle do test a while, sleep a while, wonder how she will score...Andril is looking nowhere but his paper all the time, good concentration...Shuwen say he will not score, Yeah rite...thristy after the exam but no money to buy drinks...home.........o i havent say about the exam yet...it is madness for me...but nvm...prelims...A lvls...coming near...who gives a fish to this test

gunbound..exams...

2005-06-28T00:20:00.000+08:00

Finally I can use the internet!...play gunbound...two new mobiles...the frog and orange bigfoot...both are the lamest bots in gunbounds...their weapons are so diffculty to use... the first time i use orange bigfoot...the missiles shoot anywhere without my control...I was like WTF...the frog...pure lame...I am going to master the orange bigfoot...it is so cool and stylish...and exams tml...noooooooooooooooo

holidays, tutions, rotting, school...

2005-06-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

I am an idoit. I said to myself, " must study for this holiday" And that didnt work. I turned to the devil and just watch tv, play games everyday. Sometimes i just lay down on the bed, stare at celling, not aware of who i am , what i am thinking and then fell asleep. I am sure many ppl do this haha. I cannot believe i did all these shit all the holidays. arghhhhhhhh...!!!!!!!!! I miss school!!!! Luckily, I had tution everyweek.
Man , i hate tution but if not them , i will continue being a zombie for the whole holidays. My tution teacher force me to read about a quarter of the physic notes. Yeah and I did understand them and which means i may be able to do physic assignments. May. Of course i cant do the assignments!! Most of the time, i complete 50 percent of them. My teacher is of couse upset, but he didnt scold me. Maybe becoz he is kind or he pities me. He is very patient and go through every question which i cant do or didnt do with me. This teacher rocks. More if he does not teach physic. He knew my stomach has problems and gave me some packets of firbe. They are supposed to make my toilet trips more easy. He help me buy gp stuff too. I was like such a nusience to him. The good thing is, i manage to understand/do the last 3 physic chapters with more ease. The rest of them becomes less irrating to me.
I also read one book called " Redemption". Barrowed from the library. It is not really a wonderful book, but i like the character in it. The writer writes about a girl who lived somewhere in the west ( France, or Germany, didnt remember) in the past where Christianty had been corrupted, and she was forced on a journey to find her dad with her mum. The book writes about cultures, religions and also human nature. What's interesting is that the writer writes from the viewpoint of a immature girl who thinks that there are people in other worlds have dog-heads, sea monsters with 3 heads, a god who speak with her directly if she forcus hard, etc. Her thoughts were so centered to finding her father with her mother that she had a lot of ridiculous thoughts and actions. Luckily there are smarter people around her to help her which also make her look dumb and very funny(er..?sounds like me?). This is a good balance in this book. I decided to use a dictionary to check the words i dun know in this book. It went on well in the beggining when the story is calmer. But i abandoned the dictionary at the last half of the book becoz of the more exciting events which happened.
There are quite a lot of things i want to talk now, after warming up my fingers on the keyboard. But i simply cannot remember much of them. Maybe i should keep a diary and write whenever i think of something. And finally school... hope i remember what bus to take to school.

I am reaching...

2005-05-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely path
Dunno where it is heading
But, I know there is freedom
And no more illusions

I will be strong
Not to be defeated easiler
I will be brave
To accept the my self

Finally,
I can feel my heart beating
I can feel my body moving
I can feel the wind howling
Like they are calling on me to move on

I am reaching...

Thinking about my studies...

2005-05-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

Time comes when I have to face my problems!!! I am going to write in these short essays about my problems I face in studying.
The first one is going to be...

Why do we study? Or not.

Some of us study so that our parents will love us. Some of us study for interest ( no kidding!!! ). Some of us study because there is nothing else to do. All of us may study for different reasons. But... why do so many people hates to study? Why does so many people give up our studies even though we know it is not right.
For me, I study for all the above 3 reasons.
I hope my parents will love me. I want them to be proud of me ( though it may not happen anymore ). But love can change to hatred. I was forced to study my hateful subjects. I was forced to give up doing all things i love to study. I was forced to go school even though i am sick. I was forced to study. I has lost my freedom. I study solely for my parents, not for myself anymore. Stress is there. I try to escape from it, but it is impossible. It just makes me grow weaker. But I will break down if I am too stressful. I need trust and support. From my parents, noone else.
Physics, maths, even GP is interesting. I mean...I feel so good just to understand one of their notes. haha. They are just things that are close to the physical world ... instead of some lame chemistry stuff that I will just study and forget. Perhaps I like to look at the physical world more, like many people else. Perhaps that's why we are easily deceived by appearances. However, there are so many things that makes these subjects look so boring, the leaturers, tutors, the environment, the homework and all the stupid people around me. Gossips, rubbish talking, attitudes, perhaps I should pay less attention to them. Dun misunderstood GP, it is not just stating points which other people recongised. Look at my this essay, isnt it expressive enough?(even if it doesnt have 500 words, I scared I will bored myself.)
I used to think, if I am on my own, if I am as free as a bird, what will I do? I can think of so many things!! ( Travelling around the world, take art as a career and my life, take up some exciting sports like car racing, etc, etc ). I have heard some person said, "The world is so large, how can be no place for you to stay in, no things for you to do?" But after a while, I realise they are just dreams, and dreams do not come true. That's becoz I wasnt in that dream. I am not entirely free. I am a son, a friend, a student and also a modern man wanting to survive in the modern world. I know, other than the school, I have no other better choices, or rather no choice at all. Haizz... why are dreams more beautiful than real life.
Perhaps the main reason we dun wanna study is becoz of stress. If we cannot do it, why are we forcing ourself to do it? Why will we want to harm our body and mind? We need more time to do these things, slowly and steadily. Start saying no to stress now!

...the next essay is probably to be "Why do we want to play computer games, even though we know they are harmful?"
anything to complain about the things i write, pls feel free to tell me. ( even if you think it is too boring! )

Dragonboat Training

2005-05-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

I was late. But I wish I was more late than late, because we have to wait until 4pm b4 it is our turn to row the boat. Even though we can register first, they say becoz we are Science D, we have to wait. What rule is this? Is this discrimination? So the group of angry S26 ppl waits at the shelters. I feel so much like an idoit.
Yeah 4pm, our turn to row! Again, I feel like an idoit. I try to catch up with the speed Lean is moving her panel. Then water splash on my eyes. I can barely open them. I cannot go as fast as Lean, panels hit and it gets harder to row. I think our boat crash onto another and Weekiat shouted, "Dont give them a damn!! Keep rowing!!" Lean said we gets into the finals. Great.
After that, I carried on being an idiot and go to the handicap race. That was so much funnier. We went quite fast at first. But then we crash onto other's boat on its right side. That's the fun part. We had already reached the turning point at that point of time. I was thinking of turning right, since the enemy boat is on our left. Since I am at the right seat, I should do back paddles. But Jin Wei keep on calling me to front paddle front paddle. I was thinking wth wth. Maybe he has some good tricks. Then I thought I can trust Jin Wei on this, so I did what he said. But all I know is Jin Wei is also front paddling!! He is not planning to turn!! Has he been trying to pushing the enemy boat away so hard that his brain BAO. I think he didnt even heard me shouting TURN RIGHT TURN RIGHT. Jin Wei arhh Jin Wei arhh...The enemy boat distracted us. Lol. We came in third despite all these. That is realli fun.
Finally, we went home. I feel so tired...sleeping time,

Dull Day~Daydreaming again~~~~

2005-05-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

Today is again another boring day. Wake up... look for something to eat...watch tv...eat...watch tv...eat...zzz. Don't want to study in the holidays, even though my results must be the lousiest in the class, or school, or world... At night, I tried to pick the physic notes. Yes, they are laughing at me again. Freaking hell want to tear them up...

A EVIL WIND BLOW AWAY MY ATTENTION AWAY. My mind drifted somewhere else. OMG I am thinking of war. The fighting for land and glory, domination of the winning tribes and countries, ruling of the great kings, the revolutions of ideas and great changes. Then suddenly there is the bloody killings of the innocents, the fierce rebellions, the tyrants and stupid kings and the downfalls of empires... This is my idea of war, properly influenced by " Romance of Three Kingdoms " that WeeKiat keep talking about.
In the past, people fought to protect their citizens, defend their land and advocate their beliefs. They are more than willing to get involved in getting back their pride, especially the males. Then in the shadows, things begin to change. People fight for glory and money. People begin to fight to destroy others. This is a bloody wrong change. No wonder the modern people fear war now.

***WTH !!!??? Why am I thinking of war??!! I am still looking at my notes!! I try not to think that I am stupid. So , I thought of this ... ***

Like war, the original purpose of studying has been stomped over by the needs of survival in this complicated world where dishonesties and illusions hide around us everyday. So much so that we can only notice it, yet dare not follow its path for fear of being different from others, losing out to others and ultimately FAILURE. Perhaps, people might get tired of studing like war and fear the changes education brought to the world and finally disaproved it throughout the world. MUAHAHAHAHA~~~~ sweet dreams :)

Trying to find you

2005-04-29T23:13:00.000+08:00

You used to take me by the hand
You used to be on my side
Now do you care

I can remember everything you have said
I used to believe in what you said
Now do I care

You let go of my hand
When I struggle for a breath of my own
You dont seems to care anymore

Has you changed
Has I changed
We dont seems to understand eachother anymore

I lost it, the feeling
I try to find it back
I seems to stray further and further ... away from you...

You cannot come in because the door is closed
But I continue to see you when my eyes are closed
You seems far away...yet so close...

Now you want everything to be as before
I am not your pet
So SCAM

JKJK oie come back!
Can you still feel it
I am always on your side...because I am always trying to find the true you...

*Trying to do a peom like John, is it ok?*

My right arm of destruction

2005-04-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

HI!!!
This is my first time doing up a blog.
Feeling sleepy, so i will write something short and sweet.

Introducing my right arm of destruction. Do not be deceived by its skinny looks, it is very tough! ( at least it was ) How do I get this name?... When i was young, i broke about 2 or 3 of my brother's friend's cd. He teased me and said ," Dont touch me with your right hand. It has destructive forces!! " Hence , the modified name of " Right arm of destruction".
At first I dont believe it. However, many events lead to me to believe it may be true. It seems that the moment I start getting curious and playing with something, the thing has a high propability of breaking. I have broken numerous stationaries with it, pencils, pens, scissors, rulers etc etc. I broke my friend's father's one and only childhood toy, slingshot. I was so scared but he didnt blame me for that. I broke a girl's big U shaped hairclip. But she also didnt blame me for it. As if everyone knows my right arm has destructive forces. However, recently it has become a little obedient and break less things. Perhaps doing art has make it more gentle and peaceful. My left hand has hardly given me any such problems.
So if you ask me whether I am proud of my right arm, I will say yes! My right hand has a good grip. I has the score of 87/90 for revolver shooting test for my secondary school cca. Being able to shoot properly depends greatly on the grip of the gun. My right fist is also super duper hard. I had about the fifth hardest fist in my entire secondary level, I think. ( We really have competitions on this...) So whenever someone tries to bully me by force, I challenge him to a fist to fist competition which he wouldnt last 4 secs. Surprisely, my right arm is able to do very fine things like drawing and sewing. These are the constructive side of my right arm.
Even if you say it is ridiculous, I am going to say this... I believe my past is a great sinner, killer, or whatever seems cruel and brutal. God washed away all my sins in my body ... except the right arm. To remind myself to use my arm for good and not evil like in my past.
(very short and sweet hor?)

That's why some people are right-handed lol. Even though I could have explained that using human nature and biology theories... maybe some other time... good night